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wrote this piece today (8.19.04) about leaving for college:
noise, confusion, fighting
the last days of an era
of
a century fullofeverything
fullofnothing
hold me back
hold back the ducts
the ones that will let everythingout
out
of my pores
the pores that forgot to close the world
outofmymind!
rake out the aches
the pains that dull the senses
i
can't remember who walked down that hallway
i can't remember who kissed me last night
i can't remember what the moon
looks like
whenit'sfull
hating how it's turning out
hating how i can't see where i'm going
hating how dizzy i
feel
<the nausea will usurp my dreams>
the cramping becomes unbearable
in the darkest depths of the night
wheneveryoneelse
is
dreaming of springtime, flowers
just wishing for the change to flick
the alacrity of a light switch
of an on/off
button
that blinks with beacon sharpness
the rock at the bottom
bleeds my heart uncontrollably
forgot how to say
my name
forgot how to walk, how to breath
(howtolove)
what happened back there?
on that frozen night
back in
mid february
when the days of travelling lunches
soiled the bits of flesh under our fingernails
doesn't seem so bad
but
it hurts when pebbles dig themselves in
inside where the blood runs thick
where relationships are strong
handholdingisn'tjustforlittlegirls
boys
don't have cooties
laughing isn't just for the others
we all have our own distinctions
wishing won't make it stay
the
stars won't act as my foothold
the cosmos will sweep me away
into the next millenium
where i can survive...
letgoletgoletgo=that'salliwanttodo
faster
faster faster
laying out in the sun of burning passions
only burning, never tanning
(freckles let me know i'm not
useless)
how can i sing up there?
with you? without you?
i'm not from around here, i don't belong
i just want
to hold you a bit closer
a bit longer
before i have to step up
before i have to remember everything
before i have
to ...
let you go
and it will never be the same again
and the heart will break
where will i find the pieces?
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