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star bright, star light
un-American - 7.4.04

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i'm not feeling very patriotic today. in fact, i pretty much hate america right now. just all the shit about pagan headstones and the faux freedoms that we all share. it's all a bunch of bull shit. that's right. i guess farenheit 9/11 really pissed me off too. about this country, i mean.
anyway... i went to lini's "all girl" sleepover last night, but it sort of ended up being a coed sleepover. cj, charlie, and nathan attacked us with water balloons at around 9 pm and then, after cj and erin left (between 11 pm and 12 am), we played truth or dare for the longest time. it was actually pretty fun. we asked stupid questions and personal questions... then we watched kill bill. charlie and nathan didn't end up leaving until 5:15 am. the rest of the party left at around 7:30, but i wanted to sleep some before driving so i did and didn't leave until 9:30... i came home and promptly feel asleep. not really because i was tired, but because i get really pissy if i don't sleep and i sort of want to stay up late tonight.
cj's having a bonfire again tonight. i don't really want to go. my best friend's probably going to get her boyfriend tonight, and i don't want to be in the way of that. like i don't want to scare him off or make her stick around/worry about me all night so that she doesn't get near him. plus, i'm kind of still pissy. plus, bonfires kind of suck anyway. i mean, they're fun... but it gets kind of old. there's not really anything to do except watch the fire... i don't know. plus, i think i'll get depressed if i go. if my bestest buddy gets her boyfriend tonight, i'll be one of the only single ones... which totally suxxors. or whatever. like, being single is great... when you're not alone... but when you go to parties and everyone's hanging on each other and they go off for x amount of time to have a little fun... then being single really really blows. and i feel so old. i don't know. i'm not nearly as experienced in the sex department as all of my friends, but i feel old because i don't like video games and i don't listen to any of their music. i'm like... sort of the proverbial black sheep... although a lot of people could say that in my group. but at least they all have boyfriends/girlfriends... i don't know... i don't want to have a boyfriend just for the sake of having one... but i also don't want to be alone at these stupid parties. ARGH!
so i guess what i'm saying is that i don't really belong with my friends anymore. like, i think it's been a slow process and i haven't really fit in since last december... but now i really don't fit in... like liz said... i don't really feel comfortable when i'm around people my age. that makes sense, right?
good. i don't really want to make goulash tonight... i have to go out and buy hamburger and i'm feeling really really lazy. i mean... if the hamburger was in the freezer, i might feel more inclined to cook it... but right now... i don't feel like doing anything except read or watch movies...
speaking of movies... i'm so excited because blockbuster was having some sort of stupid sale with the previously viewed vhs tapes. it was like buy 2, get 2 free. so i payed $20 for 4 movies. score! i know they're only vhs, but i plan to get a tv with a vcr in it anyway because i need to be able to tape my shows. i got kill bill, the price of milk, whale rider, and loser. just my lovely eclectic movie preferences... the bloody action movie, the weird foreign film, the weird indie/sundance winner foreign film, and the teen movie. haha. yeah. i'm cool. and nathan works at hollywood video and totally left all these popcorns at lini's house and she gave me some so i'm totally going to be movie watching tonight.
right-o. not that i'll have to work at all after july 9... my job ends right after that. we're going to pawley's island (beach in south carolina) on july 9, and when i get back, the real secretary at the school will be back and i won't be needed. yeah. i'm kinda glad, kinda sad. i mean, it's horrible having to wake up early every morning (8 am), but i liked the fact that i didn't have to do anything and i still got paid. well, i didn't have to do a lot... yeah. i'm going to miss it...
oh, by the way... my family thinks i'm "happy-go-lucky" and not depressed. apparently, my dad is all depressed about my leaving and all and my mom's in denial, trying to be positive for my dad. and apparently dan's depressed too... although, i could care less about that little piece of... (i'm wicked pissed at him right now)... anyway... so mom says that the only people who aren't depressed right now are me and her. and that i need to keep it up to help or something. i don't know. ugh.
well, i've grown tired of typing and i didn't get to read any ss/hg fanfics last night, so....
wow, i'm really obsessed, aren't i? *le sigh*