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measure your life in love 7.7.04

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measure your life in love

"'I may actually turn out to be one of those lucky people.'
'What lucky people?'
'Well, you know how there are couples that stay together just because they feel like they can't do any better... or there are people who are sad and miserable and live alone? But then there's this microscopically teeny group of lucky people who get to be with the person they're madly in love with.'" - Loser

i keep thinking about it and it makes sense in my head. it's almost as if i haven't been with my "group" since december. and i suddenly realize, with caite gone to colorado for two weeks, and all my other friends preoccupied with their own lives, that i relate the closest to mark from rent! i know... it's pretty sad. he's the one who's in denial about everything. and i don't know if that's exactly how i am... i mean, i don't think i'm in denial... but i do feel like i'm the witness to everything... that i'm the one who has to be alone so i can help everyone else around me. i don't know if that even makes any sense.

"how did we get here, how the hell?
(and left, close on the steeple of the church)
how did i get here, how the hell?
christmas! christmas eve, last year
how could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
how can a morning this mild be so raw?
why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memory?
when single frames of one magic night
forever flicker in close-up on the 3D IMAX of my mind
(that's poetic! that's pathetic)
why did mimi knock on roger's door?
and collins choose that phone booth?
back where angel set up his drums?
why did maureen's equipment break down?
why am i the witness?
and when i capture it on film
will it mean that it's the end
and i'm alone?" - Rent!

so i don't think i'll ever be one of those "lucky" people; i'll probably end up as the "witness" forevermore. at least i can live vicariously through sappy love stories and movies and such.
i guess i'm feeling rather lonely tonight... oh well.

pawley's island in two days. that should make things better. i'm just going to not think about things for awhile.


Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: "525,600 Minutes" (aka "The Numba Song") - Rent!