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star bright, star light

mulan & solitaire 6.1.04














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that's how i spent my whole evening. *le sigh* and, boy, it was wonderful. i love just doing nothing. just listening to my music and playing solitaire. and i've noticed something. solitaire's even better when i'm not actually procrastinating something. although, i'm playing it less often because of the summer. (it was my game for when i was supposed to be writing college essays and for the end of the year when i really didn't want to do my government sentences...)
right. so today was my second day on the job. i'm working at my mom's elementary school as a parttime secretary. basically all i have to do is file and answer phones. it's really nice. and i only have to work from 9-3, m-f. so i have afternoons and weekends. but i have an interview with barnes and noble on thursday... so i may be working there soon too. hopefully this won't be too much. but it's such a nice difference from watching kiddie shows all day and fighting with small smelly children and cleaning poopy pants like i did last year. plus, it's more money.
but there are some small problems. this is the bible belt. so the main people i work with... the principal, the assistant principal, and the bookkeeper are all wicked big christians. which isn't a problem, of course. it's just some of the things they say. laci (the principal) knows i'm wiccan, and she thinks my mom should totally not let me explore that. yeah. but anyway... we went out to lunch today which was wicked boring. all they want to talk about is babies, husbands, and houses. ergh. i'm 18, i don't give a crap about that stuff. but, whatever. so, anyways... on our way back from lunch, we passed by laci's church. and that reminded her of some sort of teacher convention that was held at some other church and apparently, the pastor of the church had prayed at the convention and that upset some of the teachers because it's a public school system and it's called the first amendment. and then, there was another teacher meeting at another church and there was a christian music group and they played christian songs. but apparently, according to laci, they didn't say christ or jesus specifically, so it was open to interpretation. but some teachers were upset (as i would have been) and went to the equal opportunity thingy to complain. i was totally thinking in my head, "go teachers! fight the system!" but the other women in the car were tut-tuting.... it was kind of revolting. if you guys are allowed to complain about gas prices and rent prices and baby shit, i think the other people are allowed to complain when they aren't comfortable in a religious setting. what is this world coming to that we can't tolerate people sticking up for their rights. i mean... how would they like it if someone preached to allah or buddha or something? hmm... also, then, the bookkeeper (who is usually wicked nice) said something like that's why she put her youngest child in christian school, so she could be with people like her. or something. because (this is paraphrased/quoted) apparently, everyone has free exercise (to practice any religion they want) except for christians in the public school.
now, that statement is so weird to me. my mom said at the elementary level, the public schools are really strict and stuff about anything having to do with religion. but in high school, there are always religious things going on (all christian that i know of) like "meet me at the flagpole" and fca and young life, etc etc etc. and i know what the bookkeeper lady meant. like i know how she feels. like she wishes she could express herself a little more openly. and (my mom said) she wishes everyone could. and she said that thing because she thinks it's sad that public school represses people like that. and i agree with her, to an extent. everyone is allowed to express themselves in public school... just as long as they don't preach their beliefs to anyone else. right? but sometimes, it seems as if it's better to just be quiet ... especially for teachers because they don't want to say anything just in case. but it's so weird to say something about christians being repressed because they're probably the least repressed. i mean, yes, a lot of the separation of church and state things for public school deal with christianity and such, but it's because christianity is the biggest religion. of course it will have the most. but to say something like that... to me... it's kind of a slap in the face. of course, she didn't know that. but it was. because if i mentioned, outloud, my beliefs and wicca (laci knows because my mom told her briefly a long time ago) i wouldn't be invited to lunch anymore, and they might not even talk to me. i don't know how bad it would be. i mean, i want to say that they would be more accepting to me, but who knows.... they weren't very tolerant of the people who felt praying at a public forum was inappropriate. it's just so ironic. i guess. it was sort of upsetting. it was more sad than angering though. i couldn't even say anything to them... about my beliefs. but i used ms. stice. i told them how my government teacher was all like those people who complained about the praying because she's all first amendment-ish. and then i cleared up the free exercise and establishment clauses in a very sneaky way... maybe to help show them that those teachers had every right to do what they did. but i dont' think it changed my coworkers' minds. oh well.

and yesterday, i went to the ren fair with my friendos. it was fun, but i didn't get to see the castle. :( i've seen the castle twice already, but i sort of wanted pictures to take to smith. oh well... i'll see it next year. and i got a lovely ocarina... but i suck at playing it. i played some beatles songs... and they just sounded really bad. hahaha... oh well. and there was, of course, the really sexy "leafy". wowza. hahahahahaha. yeah. i told my mom last week that i might join the ren fair after smith and she was all like "you have to get a job". and stuff like that. she told me that i could join the ren fair if i had already sold the story to a magazine... like have me write a story about the ren fair for a magazine or something. but i don't want to do that. that wouldn't be really working in the ren fair. i want to really do it... and travel with them for at least a year... experience everything. write about my experiences and then maybe see what happens after that. i don't really want to go to graduate school right after college. and i don't like the idea of a "real" job. and so that sort of puts me in the "agnostic" stage (haha... i'm totally alluding to my transitioning period from freshman and sophomore years)... and i don't like that stage very much. i sort of want to know a sort of semi-plan for what's going to happen four years from now. i mean, it's alright if plans fall through, and nothing has to be definate, right? but it's kind of a nice idea... like a nice comfort i guess you could say. but whatever. i don't have to listen to my mom. even if she's shelling out all this money for smith... i have to be happy, right?
yeah.
"i am now in a world where i have to hide my heart and what i believe in/ but somehow i will show the world what's inside my heart/ and be loved for who i am." -mulan (the song "reflection" was the epitome of how i felt junior year when i was still in the "broom" closet... )
i heart mulan. i'm going to have to get it on dvd (i lost my vhs while i was babysitting... i think...)
well, tata dahlings.
beans and coke,
zoeeeeeeee
ps. i'm not a christian-hater, btw. my bestest friendo is a christian. i'm just relating my experiences from today as they happened. just so you all know