6.18.05
"You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone"
"Fast Car" Tracy Chapman

i feel so isolated. the only friends i have talked to recently have been smith friends... i just wish that the only friend here who called me could call me. but she can't... but she still calls everyone else she can talk to. and she has a job with actual friends. i have a job where i'm alone in the office for 7 hours every day. and i feel bad about not calling anyone myself... but then i'd actually have to tell people or talk about it more and i really just don't want to talk about it anymore. if i talk about it anymore, i think i'll explode. i wonder if cj is here yet...

i just feel so left out and stupidly lonely. caite was my connection to my friends here and now we're separated and life sucks. whatever... next weekend i'll get to hang out with my friends because we'll be doing our community service!

i'm on the third harry potter book now. i can't wait until the sixth one comes out! a weird thing about that... my brother and i reserved our copies of the book on the same day, at the same place (borders, only because i have a gift card there so i can actually afford it)... but i was at work and he was at home... 'twas pretty cool. yeah.

soon i'll be at pawley's island! i can't wait! i really need the beach right now... i love just swimming in it... staying up all night, reading and listening to music.

i can't wait to go back to smith...
next summer i can't come home.

i thought this entry would make me feel better, but it only makes me feel worse. :(