"I just opened up my eyes
And let the world come climbing in
It's all better now, things are gonna work somehow
If I just sleep another hour
Tried to reach you at your mom's
Hey baby why you trying to keep away for so long
I stopped feeling good, somehow I just knew I would
I guess I'll sleep another hour
Feels like I'm wasting my time
Hanging on this same old line
Got to get you off of my mind
There's nothing left for me to find"
-"Something More" Train
6.21.05 - 11:20 AM CST - Litha
Happy Litha everyone... or rather, Happy Litha to myself! I'm currently at work, but the school system has my website
blocked (plus every website I visit regularly except for Smith.edu and Wikipedia!)... So I'm just going to write this now
and post it later... plus, I'm bored.
It's not like I'm slacking or anything... I just have this one big project and I'm spreading it out so I'll have something
to do everyday... Although I'll probably finish by the end of tomorrow. And of course, even if I have nothing to do, I'll
still have to come in early and leave late on Friday because of court on Thursday. Oh, goody.
Speaking of saying "oh goody," I'd just like to say that to the most likely situation of me not getting any
work study next year! Score! Apparently, I was supposed to have sent in my tax return and some other shit, but I didn't
and so now I'm probably not going to get anything. And so next year will suck... because I won't have any money to do anything
or go anywhere with my friends. I guess I could just ride around on the PVTA a lot. And go to Smith parties! w00t! (not!)
It's just kinda depressing because I just don't know how I'm going to survive... I'm supposed to pay for all my toiletries
and stuff too... So whatever money I do save from this summer (not much with bail money and court fees and car insurance),
I'll have to put towards toiletries and possible snacks... And so I guess I'll have to suffer another year without my car...
which I guess shouldn't be so bad. I'd hate to have the responsibility of moving it for the snow emergencies and all that.
I've decided that I hate my job. It's so boring... And, yes, it's nice to be able to read and listen to music and such...
but I'm so lonely. The only people I see are Laci and Ruthie (the nurse for Camp Will). And I've decided that I don't like
Laci. Is that horrible? I know that she gave me my job back and that she is dropping the charges and all that... but I still
don't like her. My mom thinks she's God though... my mom couldn't stop crying for two days after Laci came over to give me
my job back... Mom kept going, "No one outside of my family has ever been that nice to me!" And then I feel bad
because that's pretty sad that no one has ever been that nice to her... I don't know. I don't think I understand since I'm
not a mother and have never had a daughter in jail or facing criminal charges. Maybe I'll understand one day (hopefully I
won't though). Anyway. I just don't really like Laci. She's an interesting person and it's good that she doesn't keep grudges
and she's a good leader... but I just feel so uncomfortable around her. Probably because she's so judgemental. I mean, seriously.
I also hate my job because rude assholes call, asking for the number to one of the summer camps in the building and even
after I assure the man that we aren't affiliated with the camp, he goes on to tell me that I should know the number if they're
in our school (in a really rude kind of way)... and I'm like, thinking, "Shove off, fucker!" ARGH! Plus, some
fucking lady was all bitchy to me yesterday about the forms that they have to bring in for kindergarten registration... She
didn't want to have to bring her daughter to a TN doctor to get the mandatory TN immunization form... And then she laughed
at me and HBES's policy of needing the daughter's social security card. I don't see what's so funny or weird about it. She
says incredulously, "I have to bring my daughter's social security card so she can go to kindergarten????!!" And
I had the irresistable urge to slam the phone down or make a really high pitched screaming noise (not unlike the one Xena,
Princess Warrior makes). Whatev. They can both go to hell along with that guy from last year who stormed through the building
because I couldn't find his son's report card.
I also hate having to wear a clear nose ring. It looks like a fucking bubble is coming out of my nose. Motherfucker...
At least I get to park in the prestigious "secretary" parking spot.
I'm so depressed and I can't help hating a lot of people, most of whom are my friends. Mostly I hate my TN friends.
And all for really fucktarded reasons. I hate Caite for not being able to talk to me, I hate everyone else for not calling
me when they found out about the situation (which they have all been gossiping about, apparently... I knew they would, but
it's still upsetting when I found out for sure that they have been talking about me and haven't called me to say anything.
I mean, I know that's a really selfish and stupid reason to hate them, but it's just a stupid feeling. I could, of course,
always call them. But I never call them. I stopped calling a long time ago because they never called me and I was sick of
being the only one). And I hate them also for not responding to emails. How fucking hard is it to respond to an email?
Seriously! I HATE THEM! Like, my posse friends, who I never hanged out with until senior year, are better friends than some
of my friends that I've had since 7th grade! My posse friends call me to do things with them... not all the time, but they
call. And it's not like we're the greatest friends... they don't know a lot about me, but they know some and they have awesome
senses of humor and we have fun just going to the movies or going to Walmart...
I guess I'm just bitter because basically Caite was my lifeline to my other friends. I hang out with my other friends
because they call Caite and then she calls me. Sometimes Leo and Lini called me... but Leo's grounded too and I have no idea
what's up with Lini... She totally lied to us about working on that night a few weeks ago... We went to visit her at work
because we were at the mall, but a coworker told us she wasn't working until the next day... so I left a message on her phone,
but did she even call me back? Hmm.... NO!
I HATE THEM!
Mostly, I'm just annoyed because I feel all alone. I had to resort to watching Seventh Heaven last night... I know...
PATHETIC! But I did watch Freaky Friday too and that made me feel a little better...
So today's Litha and I probably won't do anything to celebrate because I'm a horrible pagan. Plus, I probably have to
go buy a suit for Thursday.
Well, I'm going to end this ridiculous entry now. Tata darlings.